Where do I feel home?

This topic might seem simple, and was only a small aspect of our lecture, but for me it meant a lot to have this as one of our first topics and to reflect about it. It was the first topic that came to my mind when I thought about our course, and it is the topic I decided to choose for my final reflection.

When we talked about the topic and had to ask ourselves, “where we feel home?”, the first thought that came to my mind was Lienhardweg 28. This was my childhood home, the place I grew up. But when I think about this place now, I don’t get the feeling that this is my home. Not anymore, and I am also not sure if it ever was.

When I think about this place, I think about my family. I think about the surroundings I grew up in, and I am reminded of some painful memories. I had a beautiful childhood with a lot of love from my parents, my brother and my friends. My family system however, is a place I was born into, not a place I chose to be in. As hard as everyone tried to make it feel like a home, it wasn’t the place my brother chose to be in either, and my parents only stayed in this place to keep the illusion, that we are a perfect family, alive.  They didn’t want us to be the children with separated parents, with two homes, the children that don’t know where they belong.

Still, I didn’t know where I belonged. These are some really personal thoughts and as I continue, it was hard to focus just on one topic. Because the question, where we feel home is a question that opens up many more. Questions that leaded to the topic ‘It’s all connected’.

The idea that everything is connected is also closely related to the concept of interdependence and the thought that the whole is more than the sum of its parts. Interdependence is the idea that the well-being of one person or group is dependent on the well-being of others in the system. This means that when one department within an organization is struggling, it can affect the entire organization, and when one member of a family is struggling, it can affect the entire family. By understanding this interdependence, we can better understand how to address problems within a system. The thought of the whole being more than the sum of its parts, highlights that the collective behavior of the system is not just the sum of the behavior of its parts, but it is more complex and dynamic.

However, seeing the connections can be difficult and requires a certain level of awareness and understanding of the complex interactions and relationships within a system. This can be challenging, particularly for individuals who are not trained in systems theory or who have a limited understanding of the interconnectedness of different systems. It requires a different way of thinking and looking at the world, which can be difficult to adopt.

It can be even more difficult, when you don’t even want to be part of the system and have the urge to break out. To flee out of it and be a strong part instead of a (out of your perspective) weak whole.

But concentrating on that topic “Where do I feel home?” in the beginning of our class I realized, that I can also choose to redefine what home means to me. The place I feel home doesn’t necessarily means the place I grew up in. I can except, that my life will take place within a lot of systems, that are part of a bigger system. I can define one of these smaller systems or even multiple systems in my life as ‘home’, and I am at peace with the fact that that is not the same system I call ‘family’. And by excepting these thoughts, I realized, that people tend to build strong feelings towards something they have high expectations for. You are only disappointed by a person that you love, not by a person, that has no value in your life.

By seeing my family as an important system in my life and not expecting them to be my strong emotional safe space, the expectations and perception towards this system changes. It was actually an important step for me to concentrate on the whole and not only on one part.

‘When we take the blue pill, we are going to see the parts. If we decide to take the red pill, we see the connections’.

The concept of “taking the blue pill” and “taking the red pill” is often used to symbolize the choice between ignorance and knowledge, or between living in a comfortable illusion and facing harsh reality. In the context of psychology, “taking the blue pill” can be seen as a focus on the individual, or the parts of a system, while “taking the red pill” represents a holistic understanding of the interconnectedness of different systems.

In today’s society, there is often an emphasis on “taking the blue pill” by focusing on the present and not dwelling on the past. However, this approach may not always lead to happiness and fulfillment. On the other hand, “taking the red pill” and recognizing the interconnectedness of different systems can provide a deeper understanding of oneself and the world, leading to greater perspective and potentially more peace.

Out personal experience, I found that believing in something greater than oneself and recognizing the interconnectedness of different events in my life have led to a greater sense of peace. This perspective allows me to see the value the negative incidents, and recognize how they can contribute to positive outcomes as well.

While my first impulse told me, that I should take the blue pill, focus on small parts, and improve little by little, dealing with this topic lead me to reconsider. I don’t think that you should only take one pill but decide to take both. For me, taking both the blue and red pill represents the idea of finding a balance between these two perspectives. For example, an individual may have specific goals or aspirations that they want to achieve, such as a successful career or a happy family life. These can be thought of as the blue pill – focusing on specific aspects of one’s life and working to achieve them. Not leaving things up to chance, saying “Everything is part of the System, everything is connected, I just have to see the connection, than everything makes sense” but still focusing on goals, personal feelings and connections. Investing in relationships and knowledge.

However, it is also important to take the red pill and see the larger context in which these goals exist. This might involve understanding one’s values, beliefs, and priorities, and making sure that the specific goals align with those broader ideals. Additionally, seeing the bigger picture can help to ensure that one’s focus on specific goals does not come at the expense of other important aspects of life, such as relationships or personal well-being.

To balance between these two perspectives, one could try to set specific, measurable goals and regularly evaluate them against their broader values, beliefs, and priorities. Additionally, it is important to be mindful of how much time and energy is being devoted to different areas of life and make adjustments as needed. Ultimately, the goal is to find a balance between focusing on specific goals and aspirations, while also having a broader perspective on what is truly important in life. By taking both the red and blue pill, an individual can work towards their goals while also maintaining a sense of balance and fulfillment.

To apply that to my future, I took a look on my studies. I study Nonprofit-management and the goal is to combine the best of both worlds – to take the blue pill and gain a deep understanding of specific issues, while also taking the red pill and seeing the larger context in which those issues exist. In this way, we can achieve a more comprehensive understanding of the person or situation and develop more effective solutions.

In conclusion, Systems theory in psychology provides a useful perspective for understanding how individuals and groups interact within a larger system and how changes within one part of the system can affect the entire system. It highlights the importance of interdependence, the idea that everything is connected and the thought that the whole is more than the sum of its parts.

So, after this journey and knowledge I gained, ‘Where do I feel home?’

For me, the most important aspect of feeling at home is the presence of the people around me. I find that I feel at home when I am engaged in conversation with my roommates about the events of the day. During my Erasmus semester, I had to leave behind the people that made me feel at home. However, I left without of a sense of fear or pressure to leave and with the understanding that I could always return to them. I have been living in Athens for the past four month now, getting to know the people around me and building deeper connections. And do I feel at home here? Yes, I do.

Coming to the topic of AI therapy at the end of this course is creating an amazing full circle moment, as I wrote in my first reflection, that these reflections could be a perfect opportunity for a little self-therapy.

One of the main benefits of AI therapy is its accessibility. In Germany, there is a high demand for therapy services but a shortage of therapists, which can make it difficult for individuals to access the help they need. AI therapy can help to address this problem by providing an alternative form of therapy that is available at any time and from anywhere.

This can be especially helpful for people living in rural areas or just for those who tell themselves that they are going to therapy soon.

Another benefit of AI therapy is its cost-effectiveness. Therapy can be expensive and may not be covered by health insurance, which can make it difficult for some people to access. AI therapy, on the other hand, is typically more affordable and may be more accessible to a wider range of people, including those who may not have the financial means to access traditional therapy.

AI therapy can also provide a sense of anonymity, because it is still a topic a lot of people are ashamed about. Its hard to ask for help and to find the courage to actually go to therapy.

As a overcome my scepsis towards the AI, I think it’s an amazing concept. Still I don’t know if I would try it, as it could feel kinda weird to open my heard to a computer.

Before this lecture I thought that hierarchies are mandatory for efficiency and effectiveness. Although after this course I thought, maybe if we think about the sentence from one of the last lectures: ‘The whole is more then the sum of it parts’ this is the idea. We are systems living in a system and building a system. Maybe by building a system and becoming whole the hierarchies become unnecessary. We are not parts anymore, we are whole. And we are more because we don’t see each other’s as individuals anymore. There isn’t the need to command one person to do something and build a hierarchy by that, because everybody is interested in the success of the whole, they are part of. Of course, we have different qualities and personalities, but by seeing the whole, the qualities of the individuals get combined and build something new. Its not the one Person who makes it better than the other person, it’s the combination of the qualities of everybody that build something new and can’t be separated anymore to give one person more power than another one.

This could partly be recognized in a relationship. Two systems building a system, not owning the other person or trying to build a hierarchy but working together, complementing each other. Not putting the worth of the one person, by being and excellent cook over the worth of the partner who is taking care of the cleaning or something else. It shouldn’t be two individuals working for their own success and power, but a healthy relationship, the whole, that is more than the sum of its parts.

When we started to talk about AI we had to write down our thoughts about it in to the miro bord. I wrote “It’s a bit scary” and pressed send.

I felt a bit stupid afterwards because all the other answers were so much longer and precise. Thoughts about the positive or negative impact it could have on our world and the environment. Situations or connections that already happened or exist. But after all I am gonna stay with my statement. It is a bit scary.

When I think about dealing with this topic the first thought in my mind is, ‘would be really nice to live somewhere on the countryside of Italy, have an own garden with vegetables, solar panels on the roof and just don’t get involved, be independent’.

Then I am thinking about these movies where someone wakes up from a coma and the world completely changed and that’s horrible. Not being able to go back to society if everything is changing so fast. It would even be more overwhelming.

My next thought is, that’s technic, that is live, I should probably start by learning to use excel properly. Start easy and just accept theses changes, new technology. I wanted to learn excel three years ago. I lasted 20 minutes watching YouTube videos, then it got boring. Maybe I am starting now. To be realistic after Christmas and to be honest not in this Erasmus.

If even Excel is overwhelming for me, how could I possibly have a solid opinion about AI.

I was asking myself, how can we say that the whole is more than the sum of its parts? The ‘whole’, a system, is more than the sum of its ‘parts’, also systems. But a system is sensitive dependent on the initial conditions and prediction becomes impossible.

So can we really say, that the whole, that is unpredictable is better? We can’t say. Its unpredictable. I understand the theory, a team being more effective. To combine and standout the lacks of the different parts.

But looking into praxis I have daily conversations with people convinced from the opposite. Like moving in to a shared flat. Different systems moving into a flat, building a system. The whole isn’t necessarily better.

But does more means better? More means more, more good or more bad. So than I would agree that the whole is more than the sum of its parts. Combined it has a stronger impact/ power either good or bad.

I don’t know if this makes sense, or if I am just confused.

I think it is the same as the question, we asked ourselves in the beginning. Does complex means good or bad? It can mean both. Good and bad. So I don’t see myself capable to define either of them as something positive or negative. Both can be defined as a system that is sensitive and depends on the initial conditions and prediction becomes impossible.

When we take the blue pill we are going to see the parts. If we decide to take the red pill we see the connections. What would make us happier? Is there one option, that is better then the other one?

In todays society I have the feeling that it is preached to take the blue pill. ‘Focus on the moment’, ‘don’t live in the past’. There are so many options and most of us are constantly reminded how many different ways there are.

I was having a conversation with a friend about believing and that reminded me in some ways of the red pill. Its so easy to get sad and frustrated. The person I was dating yesterday is not answering anymore. The lecture I decided to take doesn’t work out for me anymore and I have to take another one. The flat I moved in to is horrible and I have to find a new place to stay.

Some time ago these situations could really throw me out of live. Why me? Why is this happening? Again?

I found my peace in believing, in someone/something. It doesn’t really matter. The point is, that I started to believe, that it’s all connected. That it’s not the one bad incidence that defines my life, it’s a mix out of everything. I started to focus on the good things that happen to me and (of course) I am allowed to feel sad about things that doesn’t work out the way I wanted them to, but I try to remind myself that this thing I consider ‘bad’ will probably lead to something I need.

This is the closest I came to peace in my life.

Where do I feel home? When we talked about this topic the most important point for me where the people that surround me. I feel home, when I am sitting at the window with my roommate and talk about the day. I went to do an Erasmus semester and left this people than make me feel at home. But I left them in the knowledge that I can come back, not out of a feeling of fear or the pressure that I had to leave.

If you leave out of fear and don’t know if you will be able to return ever again you have to hope. Hope to arrive at a place where you can feel home again. Because everybody needs to feel home somehow, I think.

But that was not the case on the Christmas Island. Not only, that they weren’t welcomed, they arrived in a system of harm. They had to leave the places, they called home before and even got separated from their families and friends that maybe made them feel at home, even if they came together.

It’s difficult to understand how such a system can develop and stay for such a long time. How it can be even accepted. That we as systems, can create systems, that destroy other systems.

Seeing myself as an organism of slime molds is an interesting thought. The Organism comes back together after separation. How does it come together after separation? Its hard to imagine, that the parts, separated from the living organism doesn’t die, stays where it got put, but finds his way back ‘home’ to complete the organism once again.

The individual cells have somehow an idea what to do and where to go. Do my cells have a knowledge about what we are doing? I would like to see myself a bit more complex as a slime mold organism. Sure, I have an intuition, my basic needs that are mandatory like drinking water to keep my body alive. On the other hand, if I cut of an arm, he wouldn’t come back to me, there is no intuition for him to complete me again.

So my slime mold is probably my mind. My emotion and the following connections I build. I have to analyze what controls me and have to accept my complex behavior, but also take care of it. Its easy to lose yourself, so many options, so many connections, so many people around I could invest in. But I realized that by building connections you give some individual cells of you away, some emotional connection that you build, that is a part of you, but can also get lost if you don’t take care of it. If you realize that, you should try to keep your connections that are part of your emotional slime mold close, to don’t lose yourself but also to complete yourself.

How am I feeling? How are the people around me feel. Actually I feel really sad in the moment. Is that ok? It’s a nice idea to talk about the appreciation of all feelings and the way of seeing the people around us as complex beings of different feelings, that we can’t reduce to one particular feeling. But why does it feel so wrong to show that I am sad? Are we able to accept this complexity? Is it my mistrust?

I think everybody feels that way sometimes and especially in a time where your surrounded by friends that you only now for one month. Don’t get me wrong, I love every one of them and could already build connections I wouldn’t have thought of, what brought me to my next question.

Do I feel at home here? Where is my home? Home isn’t a place for me, not a city or the house I was born in. Home is a place where I can fall in somebody’s arms and cry and joke around two hours later. It’s about the people that surround me, people that know me, people that understand the complexity of my character and my feelings, people that don’t reduce me to one emotion.

So I have to challenge me. Is it ok to be sad? Absolutely. And do I feel at home? I will, but I have to be patient. A Home doesn’t pop out of the ground, it needs time and good care, and I am sure I will find it. Not Athens or Greece, even though it’s an important part, but in the people, I am surrounded by.

I am sitting at the beach of an small island right in front of Athens. The wether is getting great again and I am thinking about, how lucky I am. There is a thought in my head, that I should be productiv, finish my to do list as soon as possible and organise the next week.  I try to shut this voice up with arguments like, you are in Greece, stop trying to controll everything, your live is going to be different here and you chose that for a reason. But I continue to think about everything I have to do. My friend is talking about the last night, how he meet a girl from spain, who studied in Amterdam and turned out to be the ex roommate of his big brother. An other friend continued the conversation with how random that is, but also not the first connection we figgured out so fare. We joked about how small the world is and my friend said „Damn it’s all connected“. ‚It is all connected‘ was the center of our group discussion. The sentence that we could all agree on, was taken out of our first lecture. I decided to do an Erasmus and extend my horizon. An small decision with an unknown Impact. I am really exited about this Impact and also for this class. I am exited to finde more connections and to write this weakly reflextion. I am exited to see how this semester in a new city will change me and what will stays the same. I am in general really exited in the moment.